Solitude

It's Sunday.

Approaching the end of day and wondering if I'm going to try and cook rice or noodles on my little hot plate. I'm contemplating my life, my decisions about life, my adventures, my future.....

Isn't that what everyone does after two days of near complete solitude? Funny thing, solitude. What it does to your mind and thoughts, taking you places that you think are not reasonable, yet they feel so appealing when you arrive there, like they are supposed to fit.

My little class of toddlers is shaping up nicely and we are falling into a routine finally, but my purpose here still confuses me. The differences in teaching are still hard to understand and accept, being so different from what I had previously learned and the studies I have read about educating young children. Not that I am convinced either is exactly right, but needing to understand what makes people believe so strongly in either thought process. And does that belief in and of itself create the desired end result?
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I'm reading a book called Americanah by a Nigerian author named Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I'm reveling in how alike our personalities seem to be; outspoken, unconventional, edgy, adventurous, challenging. Those traits that seem to stand out when you are with others, whether alone or in a group. Those traits that cause people to either very much like you, or very much not. Is it my 'red-head' genes? My upbringing? My astrological sign?

The character is a Nigerian who comes to America to go to college. She arrives as a young woman just at the beginning of adulthood and immediately starts to learn the many things that she does not know about this new culture, as I am also doing right now here in Nigeria (only I'm way older).

While being faced with so much unknown I question myself. What am I doing and what do I want, and why don't I have an acceptance of a path in life that others seem to have? One that makes a person stick with something long enough to realize the benefits of the effort. Is it as simple as enjoying the journey more than the outcome, or is it something more?

I wonder what creates such questioning in myself. Why can't I seem to 'read between the lines' in life as other people seem to know how to do? It's not that I am so dissatisfied. I enjoy my life and myself in it, following my heart just a little more than I follow my head. But there is a constant uneasiness that weighs on me, and even at my age, I still can't pinpoint where it comes from or what is at the root of it.

So tomorrow is the third day of this long weekend, and I am hoping that it will be the day I can get out for a bit. I want to browse and shop in an unhurried manner. Have the time to really take things in. Get some fresh vegetables from the stand on the side of the road, the same way you would pull off Highway 5 going between Los Angeles and Sacramento. And I'm stilling craving pizza from last week when I learned that there is a Domino's here, maybe tomorrow will be the day to finally get some!!

The Long Weekend

It's Saturday. The first day of a long weekend and as my driver is unavailable today I am feeling for the first time what it means to be isolated and stuck!!

I had so wanted to go to an event tonight, but still don't know if I'll be able to hitch a ride with someone else and their driver, as I am not yet comfortable in a taxi, and especially in the evening!

Yes, this is me who is afraid of little, but fortunately I do know when something is a bit more dangerous than what I can reasonable handle- and traveling alone outside my little estate called Banana Island is one of those things.

So out of complete boredom, I take a little walk to the corner market that I frequent often to buy my Star beer and snacks that get me through the quiet evenings at home, alone, with only a book, some music, and Netflix on my phone to keep me company.

As I originally thought my salary was nice, the cost to buy things in this little safe estate is nearly double what things cost in the US, or even at the markets outside the estate that I can't easily get to yet. It seems eat may eat up my income quicker than anticipated! Luckily on Monday I will have the service of my driver on a regular basis and all will be just a little better. If I can stay away from US products, I save a lot more!! If only I could find my chocolate here!!

In an effort to immerse myself in the culture and the foods I have found a few things worthwhile... the pasta and sauces, the eggs are fresh (even right off the warm shelves), the ice cream is mostly the same, but look out for the beef!! It does seem true that Nigerians like their beef almost 'jerky like' as I experienced last weekend. I bought a little ground beef to add to my pasta sauce and even that was dry as I browned it in the pan, not one drop of juice or fat left in the pan to drain, and sadly it tasted as dry. If not for the sauce it also would have been almost intolerable to eat! Now the bacon on the other hand is pretty good!!

I did find a little snack I like called Naola Chips for only N100 (about .60 cents), dried banana chips with just a little spice on them!They go well with my Star beer after work!! Soon I'll try to make my 'cheat' fried rice that my kids love so much, and hopefully it will taste like home!!

I hope to start adding pictures soon!!